This past year I’ve just learned a few things about myself. I know you’re probably thinking “dude, you’ve been alive for 19 years! How do you not know yourself?”. And I’ll probably answer you with my middle finger. No I’m just kidding. Or not. Haha. See, back in gradeschool we used to take personality tests or aptitude tests (think divergent hah!) or something. And my results were always intrapersonal (or something like that). I used to think it was such a lame result. My classmates were more into musical, dancing, logical, interpersonal, artistic side. And I’m the i-like-to-be-with-myself kind. The lonewolf. The loner. I’m not gonna lie I used to deny it all the time. I used to think those tests were stupid coz they made me feel different from the rest of the crowd. Only for a little while though because I was 12 and didn’t take that shit seriously. I continued to live my life but somehow that feeling of in denial was buried deep down inside my freakin stomach or some part of my anatomy. Hah! Anyways, I got to highschool and moved on with my life. I remember back then I was always in a hurry to go home after dismissal. I’d tell my friends that I’d be fetched early even though it wasn’t really true. I just really wanted to sit in the chair near the guardhouse alone and wait for the driver to come pick me up. There were times when I’d be fetched really late and my friends would see me (trying to hide from them hahaha) and they’d be like “oy din you’re still here. I thought you were going home early?” And I’d be like ☺️☺️☺️ hehhehe. I never really understood why I was acting that way, not till I got to college. The beautiful world of the interkernet gave me answers. Answers I’ve been wanting to know. I can picture you saying “The internet’s been here for a long time. How could you have possibly gotten your answers just now?”. Again, middle finger. Hahahha. I had just recently (and I mean the past 2-3 ish years) come across the word introversion and started reading articles about it. And I found out that that is exactly who I am. I found out that I am not alone. I am not alone in being alone. Hooray! There are people out there who are just like me. People who love being with their own company. People who enjoy silence and solitude. People who enjoy staying home and doing nothing for the weekend. I found out that I am not weird, that I am not a loser for wanting to stay home all the time, that just because I don’t go out that much doesn’t mean I have no life, that I’m not a fucking killjoy, that it’s not true that I don’t know how to have fun. Reading those articles helped me understand who I am and has somehow put things in perspective. I’ve gotten to know myself a little better now, probably not fully but somehow. I don’t expect people to understand though, hell I don’t even get it myself sometimes. I’m just happy knowing that it’s okay to want to be with yourself, that it’s okay not to want to go where everybody else is, that it’s okay to be an introvert.
So hey if you’re an introvert like me, dude high five✋! Also, you’re okay ;)